one week of crying it out, and i'm so tired!

okay, so it's been a week, and last night, for the first time, she did not let out a peep all night from about 8 to 7:15!! that is a HUGE success! but we'll see if it was a fluke tonight. here is the play by play this week:

• sat
• 1:20 woke up briefly 
• 3:25 fussed 30 min 
• 5:30 fussed for 1 hour
• sun
• 11:30 woke up briefly
• 1:30 brief
• 3:45 fussed a while
• 4:40 fussed a while until the morning, tough!
• mon
• 3:40 woke
• 6:20 woke, fussed until morning
• tues
• 5 fussed (but i might have missed other wake ups because i was with moses this night with his GI sick stuff)
• wed
• 3:45 woke up briefly
• 5:30 woke for a little while
• thurs
• 4:30
• 5 
• 5:15 
• 5:30
• fri
• i put her to bed at 8, awake but very drowsy. i dream fed her around 11:30, and she had no wake ups until 7:15!!!

the only bad part is that i've been sick, so i was still up last night coughing and such. i am SO tired. i also decided that we would stop using pull-ups this week for moses. what?? why did i do this to us??? oh well.

it'll all be worth it if this beautiful child is able to sleep through the night and our wonderful son is completely potty trained. soon enough.

in related news, eden has been a much better eater during the day, finishing all her bottles at daycare and eating relatively well with me. i shifted her schedule to feed at 7:30, 10:30, 1:30, 4:30, 7:30, 10:30ish (dream). i am concerned she's not getting enough to eat, but i think i might just be my own neurosis. my supply that i am able to pump during the day dropped by about 2 ounces this week, but i am working hard to get it back up (pumping and nursing for more time each time). 

cheers! fingers crossed for a good night!

night 1: crying it out

i'm writing this entry with a real sadness in my heart tonight. we're going to really cry it out all night tonight. there are a number of reasons to start now. here they are in no particular order:

• eden slept more than 7 hours in one stretch twice this week
• i sat next to a mom this past sunday who cried it out with her kids, and she encouraged me to do it
• eden is more than 12 pounds, and ready to sleep 
• she wakes up at 2:30-3 am every day, which means that she may just be stirring and: need to learn to go back to sleep for the rest of the night
• i let her cry at 5 am the other day, and it only lasted 10 minutes
• if she learns how to be a good sleeper, that will be a skill she'll have her whole life
• i'm tired--sleeping 5-6 interrupted hours of sleep each night is catching up with me, and actually makes driving dangerous now
• there is never a "good" time to do it, but if i wait longer, it may take her more days to get the hang of it (which means sooner is better)

but it doesn't make me any less sad. this girl is such joy to me, and i love to see her, even in the middle of the night, several times a night. i love that girl so much, and i know it is just going to KILL me to hear her cry throughout the night tonight. i hope it's not too bad. :( and i hope i don't get mastitis again. sigh. 

i put her down at like 7:30 ish. i'm going to go in and do a dream feed, and put her down until tomorrow morning, sometime after 6:30 or so. but i don't think i'll feed her again until after 7:15 (due to daycare scheduling). we'll see.

my heart is so sad. i reeeeeeeally don't want to do this. :(

Will I ever get my brain back?

Little one, in case my brain will only get more and more careless and forgetful, know that I love you. :)

Here are some alarming things that have happened in the past couple months:

• I've tried to lock my keys in my car while it was still running
• I've washed my hands in the mens' bathroom, only noticing after nearly running into a man while drying my hands
• I've tried to drive off without buckling Moses in his car seat--this has happened more times than I can count 
• I've tried to lock the front door using our dog leash

Wow. Please come back, brain! We need you! 

social cues?

do babies know about social cues from birth? because seriously, if eden hears a loud sound or something distressing like moses crying, she looks right at me with a big frown to see if it's going to be okay. if i smile, she relaxes. isn't that amazing? this girl. i love her so much. i wondered today if my mom loved me as much as i love this little girl. and i believe she did. it's comforting.