night 1: crying it out

i'm writing this entry with a real sadness in my heart tonight. we're going to really cry it out all night tonight. there are a number of reasons to start now. here they are in no particular order:

• eden slept more than 7 hours in one stretch twice this week
• i sat next to a mom this past sunday who cried it out with her kids, and she encouraged me to do it
• eden is more than 12 pounds, and ready to sleep 
• she wakes up at 2:30-3 am every day, which means that she may just be stirring and: need to learn to go back to sleep for the rest of the night
• i let her cry at 5 am the other day, and it only lasted 10 minutes
• if she learns how to be a good sleeper, that will be a skill she'll have her whole life
• i'm tired--sleeping 5-6 interrupted hours of sleep each night is catching up with me, and actually makes driving dangerous now
• there is never a "good" time to do it, but if i wait longer, it may take her more days to get the hang of it (which means sooner is better)

but it doesn't make me any less sad. this girl is such joy to me, and i love to see her, even in the middle of the night, several times a night. i love that girl so much, and i know it is just going to KILL me to hear her cry throughout the night tonight. i hope it's not too bad. :( and i hope i don't get mastitis again. sigh. 

i put her down at like 7:30 ish. i'm going to go in and do a dream feed, and put her down until tomorrow morning, sometime after 6:30 or so. but i don't think i'll feed her again until after 7:15 (due to daycare scheduling). we'll see.

my heart is so sad. i reeeeeeeally don't want to do this. :(